Domestic Violence
Contents
- What is Domestic Violence?
- What causes domestic violence?
- Why doesn't she leave?
- Who is responsible for the violence?
- What are the effects of domestic violence on women?
- Safety Plans
- Children and Young People
- Contact Numbers (PDF)
Domestic violence is essentially a pattern of behavior characterized by the exercise of control and the misuse of power by one person, usually a man, over another, usually a woman, within the context of an intimate relationship. It is manifested in various ways, including, but not restricted to, physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse, and the imposition of social isolation, and is most commonly a combination of them all.
a) Whilst this definition does not include children, domestic violence affects children adversely and there is evidence that domestic violence often occurs alongside child and animal abuse within families. Child abuse can therefore be an indicator of domestic violence in the family and vice versa.
b) Victims with physical, mental and learning disabilities may have special difficulties in seeking help.
What causes domestic violence?
Abusers choose to behave violently to get what they want and gain control. Their behaviour often originates from a sense of entitlement which is often supported by sexist, racist, homophobic and other discriminatory attitudes. Contrary to popular belief, alcohol, drugs or stress does not cause violence. Alcohol and drugs may make violent behavior worse, but the responsibility for the violence always lies with the perpetrator. Victims themselves may blame the violence on alcohol, drugs or stress because it may be easier to do this than to accept that someone they love could be choosing to hurt them.
Staying in a relationship may seem like a high risk strategy, however leaving the relationship will not guarantee that the abuse/violence will stop. Leaving a relationship is often the most dangerous time for a victim and the children, with many perpetrators threatening to kill their partners, children or pets if they leave. Other reasons why victims do not leave the relationship are detailed below:
- Fear of retaliation
- Financial dependency
- Isolation, lack of social or family support network
- Low self esteem,
- Love and emotional dependency
- Social stigma
- Beliefs about marriage
- Children
- Caring responsibilities
- Personal belongings
Who is responsible for the violence?
The abuser is responsible. They do not have to use violence. They can choose, instead, to behave non-violently and foster a relationship built on trust, honesty, and respect.
What are the effects of domestic violence on women?
Victims may be affected by domestic violence in a number of ways:
- loss of opportunity
- isolation from family/friends
- loss of income or work
- homelessness
- emotional/psychological effects such as experiences of anxiety, depression or lowered sense of self-worth
- poor health
- physical injury or ongoing impairment
- death
Victims need to have accessible options and be supported to make safe changes for themselves and their children. Resources and support they will need to leave safely include: money, housing, help with moving, transport, ongoing protection from the Police, legal support to protect themselves and the children, a guaranteed income and emotional support. If a victim is not sure if these are available to them, this may also prevent them from leaving. Access to culturally specific or specialised support is also an important consideration for women from ethnic minorities, lesbians, disabled women, asylum seekers and women with an insecure immigration status. These women often face additional barriers to seeking help in the first place such as physical barriers, language, poverty and discrimination.
If you or someone you know wants to leave a violent or abusive relationship, it helps to make some plans.
- Always carry with you a list of emergency numbers
- Try to save a small amount of money for bus, train or taxi fares
- Get an extra set of keys cut for your home and car
- Keep the keys and clothes for you and your children packed and ready – leave them somewhere safe, perhaps with a trusted friend or relative
- Keep documents somewhere safe ready to take – birth certificates, benefit books, passports
If there is more time to plan, try to do as much as possible of the following:
- Leave when your partner is not around
- Take all the children with you
- Take all important legal papers and documents
- Take any personal possessions that have sentimental value
- Take any medicines you and your children might need
- Take clothing to last several days
- Arrange for pets to be cared for – a local animal charity may be able to help
- Don’t forget sentimental items
The majority of children witness the violence that is occurring and in about half of all domestic violence situations, they are also being directly abused themselves. Children can “witness domestic violence” in a variety of ways. For example, they may be in the same room and may even get caught in the middle of an incident in an effort to make the violence stop; they may be in the room next door and hear the abuse or see their mother’s physical injuries following an incident of violence; they may be forced to stay in one room or may not be allowed to play; they may be forced to witness sexual abuse or they may be forced to take part in verbally abusing the victim. All children witnessing domestic violence are being emotionally abused. Children can experience both short and long term cognitive, behavioural and emotional effects. It is important to remember that each child will respond to the trauma differently and some may be resilient and not exhibit any negative effects. Children’s responses to the trauma of witnessing abuse may vary according to a multitude of factors including, but not limited to, age, race, sex and stage of development. It is equally important to remember that the common effects experienced by children can also be caused by something other than witnessing domestic violence and therefore a thorough assessment of a child’s situation is vital to ensure appropriate treatment. Children are individuals and may respond to witnessing abuse in different ways, some of these are:
- anxiety or depression
- difficulty sleeping or wetting their bed
- easily startled
- physical symptoms such as tummy aches
- behaving as though they are much younger
- problems with school
- aggression or withdrawn
- lowered sense of self-worth
- truanting or start using alcohol or drugs
- self-harming
- eating disorders
Children may also feel angry, guilty, insecure, alone, frightened, powerless or confused. They may have ambivalent feelings towards the abuser and the non-abusing parent.
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